


Torrianse

by foggynite



Category: Power Rangers Ninja Storm
Genre: F/M, Gen, Grieving, Spoilers, loss of a parent, loss of a spouse, watanabe family feels
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-13
Updated: 2021-03-13
Packaged: 2021-03-20 19:08:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,627
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30009585
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/foggynite/pseuds/foggynite
Summary: Go down the path...
Relationships: Kanoi Watanabe/Miko Watanabe
Kudos: 1





	Torrianse

**Author's Note:**

> Originally posed at FFN on Jul 13, 2005.
> 
> All the Watanabe family feels.

_torrianse, torrianse_

_koko wa doko no hosomichi jya  
tenjin-sama no hosomichi jya_

_chotto toshite kudashanse  
goyo no nai mono toshasenu_

_kono ko no nanatsu no iwai ni  
ofuda o osame ni mairimasu_

_iki wa yoi yoi, kaeri wa kowai  
kowainagara_

_torrianse, torrianse_

"Was that you singing?" Kanoi paused in the doorway with a smirk.

Glancing at him without lifting her head, Miko gently stroked Cameron's forehead. "He just fell asleep. If you wake him, I will not go easy on you."

"That implies you go easy on me at other times."

Her smile was enigmatic and inviting, so he crossed the room to crouch beside her. She was sitting on a pile of bamboo mats next to the open shoji doors and a cool breeze eddied past them, a welcome reprieve from the heat wave of the past week. He could hear bats hunting in the feasts attracted by the outside torches.

"What was that song?" He finally asked quietly. "I've heard you sing it before."

"A folk song, from home. My mother would sing it for my sisters and I when we were restless." Without disturbing Cameron, she rose to her feet and he followed suit. "It is the only thing that seems to calm him when he is in this state."

Reaching out, Kanoi traced the earlier path of her fingers across Cameron's soft skin. "I usually recite Academy protocol..."

Her wry look was mocking. He ignored her in favor of arranging the mats so Cameron would be comfortable. Miko carefully laid their son down on his belly, an unconscious whine the only reaction from him.

She turned to Kanoi with an arched brow and started walking towards the middle of training room. Following more slowly, he watched as Cameron settled into the sleep of a four-month-old who had worn himself out by letting the rest of the Academy know he was teething. And to think, it was Kanoi's turn to watch him tomorrow while Miko was instructing...

"You know," he murmured as they assumed their positions. "Sensei asked us to move back on grounds again."

"I highly doubt he was that direct," Miko countered, mirroring his bow.

"No, but he highly suggested it."

Her attack was swift, barely giving him time to block. Having traditional iaido training gave her an advantage in close quarters, but he was a class above her in ninjitsu and once he fell back, he was able to engage her in earnest. Their blows were evenly matched, and since Cameron was actually sleeping, they wouldn't involve elements or weapons.

Her response came when she captured his fists and he immobilized her legs.

"The idea has merit."

It was enough of a shock for her to slam him to the mats. He blinked up at her and spoke when he had his breath back.

"This from the woman who convinced our landlord to lower the rent because we're theft deterrents."

"It would be ideal when I resumed active duty." She released his arm. "Arranging for someone to watch Cameron would definitely be easier."

He took a moment rising to his feet, not meeting her eyes. "I thought one of us would stay with him."

"One of us, meaning me," she stated archly. 

He ducked his head, looking up at her solemnly. She didn't appear to be impressed. In fact, her hands were going to her hips and her chin was lifting.

He tried for quietly appealing. "I just don't think it wise for both of us to take risks now."

"We agreed I would resume my duties when Cameron was weaned," she reminded him. A tense silence grew, but she was first to break it. "If it is a great concern, then perhaps we can request alternating missions. I am sure Sensei would be willing to accommodate us."

A concession he would have to be satisfied with, because he knew her, and knew that she would not back down from this. Her responsibilities at the Academy were just as important as his, and she took them just as seriously. She would not be content to merely drill students. It would be unfair to expect her to stand back when other lives could very well depend on her presence and expertise in the field.

With a rueful smile, he reached for her hand. "In that case, perhaps it would be best if we spoke to Sensei about Academy housing."

"Yes."

The matter settled, they resumed their sparring. Kanoi felt a tension he hadn't previously recognized leave him, to have this issue resolved. Cameron still wouldn't be weaned for a few months at the least, any way. They had plenty of time to make arrangements.

~~~

"It's all right. It's all right. I'm here."

Kanoi whispered the litany into Cameron's hair again and again. The four-year-old clung to his sweaty uniform, disconsolate sobs wracking his frame. An uncomfortable cough came from the first year standing nervously behind him.

"With your permission, Sensei, I'll return to the dormitory."

"Yes," he answered absently. "Thank you very much, Jason. Your help is appreciated."

"Any time, Sensei."

A good student, willing to watch Cameron while Kanoi was out in the field, no matter the hour. This wasn't the first time Kanoi had returned from a mission later than expected, but it was the first since they'd lost Miko, and he had thought that Cameron would be too young to remember that anxious night when she did not return.

"I'm here, Cameron. I'm fine."

A small hand was curled around the collar of his uniform, little nails scratching at his neck, but he didn't bother to move them. He merely hugged his son closer, breathing in the smell of soap and sleep-rumpled child.

He had noticed that Cameron stayed close to him as much as possible, but he hadn't thought he would come home to find Jason trying to keep a hysterical Cam from running out the door to find him. It was... disturbing since Cameron had always been independent even as a baby, usually content to amuse himself off in a corner. Which was fortunate because, while there were a few married couples living on Academy grounds, there were no other children for socializing, and so Cameron was used to being surrounded by adults.

It sounded as though the weeping was losing steam. He carried Cameron to the small bathroom and wet a washcloth single-handedly, wiping the flushed and tear-streaked face. A hiccup forced its way past a tremulous sob, then turned into a yawn. Kanoi tried to smile as he walked across the hall to Cameron's small room, but a frantic jerking on his shoulder made him stop.

"What is it, Cameron?" He asked quietly, unable to see the face now buried in his neck.

"Wanna stay wit you," was mumbled next to his ear, and he hesitated. If he gave in now, would his son become dependent on his presence to sleep? That could be problematic in the future, and he didn't want to do that to Cam. 

But then, they'd both had rough nights, and the thought of having to lie in his empty room alone, knowing Cam was miserable right down the hall...

He turned off the light in the small bedroom and continued to his own. Cameron tugged on his tunic again.

"M'thirsty."

So they turned around and went back to the kitchen, since Cameron refused to be let down. He filled a small cup from the tap, using the little plastic mug Miko had gotten for Cam that was the boy's favorite. He willed himself not to think.

Cup drained, Cameron wiggled until Kanoi bent down and he could put the cup on the counter himself. Then the iron grip was back around Kanoi's neck, and he went to the living room. He didn't bow completely in front of the small shrine, but he went as low as he could with Cameron wrapped around him. Jason had refreshed the bowl of rice in front of the short memorial tablet, two chop sticks standing up in it as though waiting for someone to start eating. Kanoi lit a stub of incense and waited until the ember died to shut off the living room lights.

He was in desperate need of a shower, but he just sat Cameron on the bed, stripped off his leather jerkin and gloves, and laid down next to the boy. Cameron quickly burrowed against his chest, and he pulled the sheet up.

Maybe he should follow Sensei's suggestion to teach some of the advance classes. He wouldn't be in the field as much that way, and he wouldn't need to impose on his current students to watch Cameron while he was out. He had to admit, his mind wasn't completely on his duties these past few months, anyway. Risks were part of the life he and Miko had chosen, a part he had accepted, but he refused to leave Cameron an orphan. Anything he could do to lessen that risk, he would.

A snuffle escaped the small body next to his, and he reached up to stroke Cameron's hair. Another snuffle followed, but Cameron was too tired to cry properly again.

"I miss okaa-chan," the boy whispered sleepily into the mattress, voice rough from his tears.

Kanoi's hand froze, but he forced himself to breathe. He couldn't travel down into the aching loss deep within his own chest. He couldn't.

"She–" His voice cracked. "She is always with us, Cameron, wherever our paths may take us..."

A memory of laying in bed, staring into her eyes as she solemnly made him promise to protect Cam, above all else. Even her. Because she could take care of herself, and she would always be with him.

"She's the breeze across your cheek. The rain that falls on your hair. The grass beneath your toes... She is the heat of the sun, and the face of the moon." Echoes of her words. It seemed so long ago.

He trailed off, combing his fingers through Cameron's short hair until his son's breath was even with sleep.

"She is always with us," Kanoi whispered, and let his eyes drift shut.

~~~

"Why can't I train?" Cameron demanded, body vibrating with all the frustration and hostility a fourteen-year-old could manage. For one wanting to be taught the art of ninja stealth, he displayed little as he slammed the front door behind him.

Kanoi set down the teacup he was cradling and resisted the urge to sigh.

"You are not prohibited from training, Cameron," he said evenly.

"I'm stuck in the beginner's classes," the teenager pointed out with a sneer. "With all the beginners. And I'm younger than everyone there, but I can do everything better than them. No one takes me seriously because they know I'm never going to be a real ninja. I'm just the head teacher's son."

This was a new argument between them, but at least Cameron no longer refused to attend public high school in the fall. Wanting to advance his ninja studies had distracted him from that one, but now Kanoi faced an argument that was harder to refute, since they were surrounded by it.

"A wise man once told me, 'One finds that the greatest path to personal growth is by simply being.' Perhaps you should concentrate more on your own studies before looking to that of others."

"They treat me like a kid!" Cam exploded, the loudest Kanoi had ever heard him. "I don't even have a training uniform."

He was still wearing the loose pants and t-shirt he trained in. He must have come straight from class, whereas he would normally spend an hour or two in the Academy library.

Kanoi did sigh then and gestured for Cameron to sit down in the chair across from him. With a combative expression, Cameron complied.

"Cameron, it is not that I doubt you are capable." A snort told him Cameron's opinion on that. "I have faith that you will excel at anything you decide upon. However, in this case, I cannot allow you to continue."

"But why not?" His voice was near whining. "Why can't I test for an element like everyone else?"

"I promised your mother I would protect you. I cannot willingly condone you putting yourself in danger."

"That's it? You promised mom?" Cam looked belligerent and skeptical. "How is it protecting me if I never learn to defend myself, huh? We live at a ninja academy. If someone broke in, chances are they _are_ a ninja and I won't be able to stop an advanced attack if I just know the basics."

It was a point Kanoi had been debating with himself. After losing Miko, though, he knew that all the training one could have was sometimes still not enough. "I will not allow you to place yourself in a position of such danger. To commit to an element is to commit to the ninja way of life, and that includes responsibilities I do not wish for you to accept."

"But–"

"This discussion is over, Cameron." He rarely used that tone with anyone, let alone Cam, and the teenager's mouth snapped shut.

"Yes, dad," he said mulishly.

Tension slowly draining from his muscles, Kanoi resumed his lunch. After a moment of sulking, Cameron served himself a bowl of rice and picked at the chicken in the middle of the table.

It was hard on him, Kanoi knew. He was not unaware of the difficulties he was subjecting his son to, but he knew that it was in Cameron's best interest to study something other than the way of the ninja. The boy was already so immersed in the Academy social network that he had no real friends his own age. After the ban on women's admittance had been lifted years ago, there were other families that had settled on Academy grounds, but all the children were younger by a few years, and with Cam's advanced intelligence, he had a tendency to alienate people. 

The other instructors had suggested it was merely growing pains. The angst of all creative and intelligent teenagers. He hoped that was the case. He tried hard to give Cameron space to define himself while still being involved in his life, but lately it seemed like everything he said was taken as a criticism or condemnation.

So Kanoi had arranged for him to attend public high school in the hopes that he would be drawn from the sullen shell he had erected around himself. True, Cameron's learning levels were obviously far above the curriculum Kanoi had been given by the principal, and that might be problematic, but he wanted Cameron to have this chance to see the world outside the Academy. If only Cameron would realize that. The boy was so focused on being the best at everything he did, holding himself to such exacting standards, Kanoi was reminded of himself twenty years younger.

Maybe if he showed Cameron that he trusted him, and had faith in him, by giving him ninja-related responsibilities at the Academy, it would ease some of the friction of the last few months. Nothing dangerous, but still something that Cameron would feel accomplished doing.

He took a moment to compose his thoughts, then set down his chop sticks.

"Perhaps, son, it would not be amiss if you were to train with the advanced martial arts classes."

Cam's face lit up and he forgot about eating. "Really?"

"I will speak with Sensei Ortiz about enrolling you in a higher level. If she agrees to accept you as a student, I will allow it. But," he paused to make sure Cameron was listening. "It will only be for the martial arts. And you will have to take any test she presents you."

Some of the enthusiasm dimmed, but Cameron was obviously happy with the prospect of more advanced training. "I understand."

"Now," Kanoi cleared his throat and put on his most innocent expression. "I have been informed that there is a problem with the computers. Sensei Nichols said the portals are in imminent danger of failing?"

"Yeah, we checked that out this morning. Some earth ninjas had torn up the wires during a drill. We did a quick patch, but we need to put the cables deeper in the ground. Where the computer shed is now, we can't go as far under as we need to."

"I see. He suggested that a new location for the computers was needed as well."

"Hm. Yes. The two of us can barely fit in there. And we really should think about doing a hardware upgrade. Most of the components in there are as old as I am." Cameron absently began eating again, picking up small bits with his chop sticks and speaking around them, but Kanoi let it slide this once since he looked so enthusiastic. "What we really need is a completely independent operating system for the Academy. Right now we have to manually flip a switch to turn on the portal hologram, which is impressive for semi-Ancient and most-likely-alien technology made before even Sensei was born, but I've been working on a program that will allow us to initialize–"

He had purchased a laptop for Cameron last year, against his better judgement, but apparently one was needed for school anyway. Cameron had been delighted and the small machine rarely left his side. Every so often, he would try to explain the various programs and projects he was creating, usually to help the resident technologist, Sensei Nichols. But even as Kanoi was amazed and proud of what his son could do with electronics, he still had no clue what he was talking about most of the time.

"Well," he broke in when Cameron paused to remember the original subject. "When Sensei Nichols suggested moving the location, as well as the need to place your hardware deeper in the ground, I recalled an old system of caves near the edge of the grounds. I am unaware of its original purpose, but I do know it was renovated in the earlier part of this century to act as a secondary base of operations for the leaders of the Academy."

"How interesting," Cameron had stopped eating again. "That sounds like it would be perfect for what we need. Can I see it?"

"I'll be happy to show you after you finish your lunch," Kanoi said with a genuine smile.

~~~

Kanoi wasn't surprised when Cam insisted on using the scroll, and given the current situation, he had little choice about letting him even if he didn't know what the outcome would be. He was left with the feeling that his son would have gone anyway, with or without his approval. Cameron was a lot like his mother in that.

Relief was the first emotion he felt when Cam returned, and quickly suppressed frustration that he couldn't lay his hands on his own son to reassure himself. Most times, he was accepting that he was now transformed into a guinea pig, but there were moments when even his serenity was nearly shattered.

But Cam was surrounded by the other rangers now, being high-fived and clapped on the back and hugged. He was smiling, too, and his hands constantly drifted to the amulet hanging around his neck. He looked like he belonged there, with them, in a way Kanoi had never wanted to acknowledge before.

Funny, that he remembered the young man named Cameron. How could he forget, when Cameron had helped to banish the man who was his brother? He felt a little foolish now, about not having made the connection before Cam had opened the scroll. It should have been obvious in the way his son carried himself, in his manner of speaking, and the tone of his voice.

Funny, how time blurred memories.

That had also been the first time he met Miko. The sparring, the clash of wills. His admiration for the way she had resolutely given up something that was her birthright, because she believed she had found the rightful owner. How they had named their son after the courageous man who had saved the Academy, even the Earth, that day.

So many memories. How must it have felt for Cameron to meet his mother? He thought about asking Cam, maybe under the pretense of getting his perspective to see if what he himself remembered was accurate... But, in the end, he merely hopped up next to Cam at his keyboard and sat quietly as the Samurai chopper's schematics flashed on screen.

Furtively, he studied Cam in the computer light. The proud set of his shoulders, the tilt of his chin. Kanoi could never truly forget her, not when he could so easily see her in their son. But Cam was a grown man now. Someone she would be proud of, and Kanoi wished he could take all the credit for that, but he knew better.

He kept his memories close to him, deep in his heart. Even if the edges had faded, the faces had become fuzzier, and the specifics were tumbled smooth by time– Even then, the emotions remained, and that was what he held dear. He may have forgotten the sound of her voice, the exact shade of her eyes, but he knew that she was always at his side.

Always at both their sides.

~~~

_Go down the path, go down the path_

_What narrow path is this?  
This is the shrine god's path_

_Go ahead down the path  
If you have no errand, don't go_

_I come to pray in celebration  
For this child's seventh birthday_

_Going is easy, coming back is scary  
Even though it's scary_

_Go down the path, go down the path_

("Torrianse," anon. Japanese folk song)

**Author's Note:**

> [Tumblr](https://jrocci.tumblr.com/)


End file.
